well-captured: the first and final lines.. and the middle one for scenery.
i like that one lots. why’s it 1/2 ? (p.s. 13’s a good number)
~AlicsonMar 13, 07:18 PM
Its a rewrite of an original which was #13. it was submitted on poetry.com and needed to follow the formal 5-7-5 haiku pattern. The original went like this
white mountain,
torn and tattered clouds.
wind shadow moods!
i like that one lots. why’s it 1/2 ? (p.s. 13’s a good number)
~Alicson Mar 13, 07:18 PM
white mountain,
torn and tattered clouds.
wind shadow moods!
I actually like it better.
~Rick Silletti Mar 14, 02:40 AM